Eagerly awaiting the next couple of days. 19 Days to be exact before I leave my home, Manila, Philippines for an adventure that I know will absolutely and definitely last a life time.
I’ll be away from the Philippines for a year for my Missionary Year with Regnum Christi. Everything has been so surreal up to this moment that I am writing this entry. Better start typing away now! I’m such on a high right now because I still can’t believe that it is happening like for real!!! My decision to become a part of the Regnum Christi’s Mission Corps program though didn’t come so easily. There were a lot of factors to consider with my leaving and it has been going on the same way for the last 2 years, and finally God has made His move and put things into perspective for me. And yes yes, you can consider me being so attached to whatever was holding me back. Just to give you a highlight of why there are so many things to consider and why I’m soooo attached… The first is the fact that my younger sister is abroad for her schooling and my mom has this rule that no daughter can be out of the country at the same time for a long period of time. Point being, my sister is a scholar abroad for the next 4 years. The second, is the fact that I work full time with my Parish being the President of the Youth Ministry. It really gave me a hard time accepting what God wants and detaching myself from the idea of being away for a year from everything that meant to me, most especially considering what would happen to the Parish youth ministry if I was away for a LONG time. BUT… This year though was a whole different ball game. God changed the rules completely. And I’d like to think that because it is Him who puts things into perspective and really is the Playmaker of my life, I was able to understand more what it meant to be called to serve Him and to completely allow Him to let the ball rolling.
As such, being exposed to so many things that could help in my formation as a Catholic and most importantly having a devout Catholic Family, I was able to have a deeper understanding of what Christ said, “Many are called but few are chosen” and of course really letting go, and really, LET GOD!
I strongly believe that having been formed as a Catholic in a deeper sense, and the fact that I was very active in my Parish life ever since I can remember, most especially these last couple of years from all the formation and Spiritual guidance I have received from Regnum Christi, these opportunities allowed me to really lift up whatever I was feeling and really placing Christ at the center of my life with no hesitation whatsoever and really putting all my trust in Him. And I think, without being surrounded by my family who not only were very religious and spiritual, (I also had several relatives who have their own religious vocations to the priesthood, consecrated life, and being nuns), I would have turned away from the vocation that is Regnum Christi. As such, being surrounded as well by young people in the Movement alongside my family, really gave me the courage and hope that there really is a chance for this world to be a better place to live and serve in if we put Christ at the center of our lives and to truly have a sincere friendship with Him, and to just really understand and listen to Him completely. With God placing all these people around me, He made a way to make me realize that it is He and Christ that have to be at my center. Though I have my support around me, and being interconnected with just one Being – The Lord, Jesus Christ, nothing really is impossible.
So, going back… I mentioned earlier about God putting everything into place and really putting everything into perspective for me. I was caught between two worlds in the sense that, I thought was already completely for Him. But I realized that that wasn’t enough. I had to let go of “what was” and embrace tightly the “what is”. I strongly believe that God makes things happen for a reason because He has already mapped it out for us. Think the Adjustment Bureau meets reality. We know by faith and trust that there is an upper hand writing our path and adjusts it when He feels we’re losing our way. He wants us to reach His ultimate goal for us without losing focus. Yes we lose focus because we get caught in what we think is “reality”, but in fact, the reality is HIM. There is no other goal than to live in eternity with Him. My point is, without Him making me realize what He wants me to do for Him, if I didn’t place all my cares up to Him, and if I didn’t listen to Him with an open mind and heart, then everything that I have been doing for Him would have all been such a waste. Then that’s when it HIT ME like a being hit by brick on the head! I have been focusing my life and everything I did for Him for the “not so complete” reason, and though I listened to what He was trying to tell me, I was still completely at a crossroad in why I have been doing everything I did. Then earlier this year, God wanted me to make a bigger commitment both in my spiritual and apostolic life. I had been thinking about it for quite sometime, then I realized that this was God’s way of telling me that He wanted me to have a deeper relationship with Him in all that I do, not just ALL that I do, but completely in EVERYTHING that I do. [Does that make sense?] Anyway, I decided to give myself in a deeper way to the Movement by becoming 2nd Degree. My commitments became “harder”, but when I realized I had already been doing all of it, I understood that He wanted me to cultivate it more in such a way that it would make me more disciplined, focused, and really making my life for Him. It is in fact unusual for anyone who goes into the Co-worker program to become 2nd degree before they go through the program. It isn’t even a necessity because it, too, is a vocation. But I understand completely that this is what God wants for me. This was His way of preparing me for the Co-worker program and really making me fully detached to the idea of what will happen to everyone I will be leaving behind and all the work I will be postponing, etc.
And… As I come to terms with the fact that everything is starting to be sooooo real in my life right now, I know that this is really one decision I will not be turning my back on. This is what God wants and I am glad that I have taken this call with open arms and with completely no hesitation at all. And as the days go by till I say goodbye to the Philippines for a year and say hello to my life-changing journey, I continue to lift up everything to God and I thank Him earnestly for calling me to serve Him in a deeper way. I thank YOU DEAREST LORD for giving me the courage and the strength to really leave everything behind and really live out what you said to your apostles, “Go out to all the world and preach the Gospel.” With my Missionary year beginning very very soon, I completely entrust to you my life. Dearest Lord, You who always loved everyone despite who they are, You who never made anyone feel as though they are less of an importance, as I go on my Mission for You, make my heart more like Yours.